Monday, April 02, 2007

[perhaps just a story or perhaps not. XD A tale of worry and escape]

Twas late afternoon, or early night.

Supposedly, headed for a place somewhere around town. Well, yeah, headed there. OR rather lost. I sent an SMS to one of the friends I'm supposed to meet. Asking for directions:

Yo! Asan na kayo? hmm...
Teka saan yan?
Anong Azimuth?
Grid coordinates?
Air miles?


I sent those messages. Of course I was joking around. Well, eventually, I find the place. Stepping down the stairway leading to the dining area below, I see them. Smiling, talking, lounging. The ambiance quickly surrounds me. Calming, perhaps... The low lights, the music, the company. Soothes, perhaps... Well, there they were. Greeting. Perhaps with a face, inviting. or a smile, embracing. I took a seat in the corner, where I have a good view of everyone present.

Still, I am around my own bubble of thought. Clouded by my worries. Perhaps all of us are, that night. We were our own worlds. Our own individual. Our own central pool of experiences. Decisions. Problems. Wants and Needs. As I stare unto the emptiness, the cloudy mist of worry, I daze into a sub-conscious state. Drowning helplessly in the waters of reality. Perhaps I didn't want to be saved. I was drowning myself. Forcibly feeding problems into worry, and forcibly eating worry, choking on it, and suffering its discomfort. Is pain so pleasurable? hmmm....

Today perhaps is the last day I will be able to see my beloved. It was earlier today [perhaps]. I last saw her. Instead of spending the day with her, I am here slashing myself with the dagger of regret. But she had to leave... But what if she hadn't... She left in that car, with her grandfather and her friends. And the last memory of her [for now] is of that melancholic look, piercing through the fabrics of my sanity, my longing and my reality. " So that her high-born kinsmen came and bore her away from me..." (Annabel Lee by Edgar Allan Poe)

Perhaps that line clarified a thing or two. XD Well then, moving on.

Problems do come and go. And tonight I kept drowning in it, seemingly impossible to escape. Well, how do people escape reality if reality be here and now. This night... maybe.

All of us here tonight, each of us. Slowly seem to disregard our bubble of thought... putting aside our individual worlds. Small talk, Jokes. Simple. Yet somehow, tonight, I ask... "why do we worry too much..." And yes, I leave my worries behind. And with them, prolong the pain of reality... for now, forgetting what it is to think, to long, to worry. Forgetting, the ephemeral cure for worry. All of us here tonight, each of us burdened with our own blankets of worry. Once clothed with this robe, now stripped of it. Perhaps, these distant moments. At least for these few moments... worry, releases its grip. or I release my grip on worry. whichever one it is....

Small talk. Jokes. Catching up. A few drinks. Alcohol for some. Food. Lounging around. A few smokes. Music.

All of us seem to forget. Only knowing what is here and now. No more wants, No more needs. No more decisions. No more worries. No more regrets. None of that! At least for now...

And until we clothe ourselves with our blanket of worry...

Reality is where?

[Too sleepy... the ending part seems wrong.. XD fix it tomorrow. yawn...]